hewillbemissed.

he will be missed, no doubt about that.
on my short time of being on this earth, i've always known that there was an MJ.
but now that he's gone . . it's just like wow.
he was one of my favorite artists, no lie.
thriller has always been my favorite CD.
i could listen to that ALL DAY.

but what really bothers me is the ignorant people on myspace postin dumb shit like we can't mourn his death. i mean, no we don't personally know him, but really tho, it's a loss for the music industry.
that's just like saying we can't be sad that our best friend's uncle's cousin died, just because we didnt know them.
what kind of mess is that ?

all i know is that i am sad about this.

R.I.P. MICHAEL JACKSON
1958 - 2009

inherpurse.

this set is cool.
i wanna do one like this one day, even though i don't carry purses oftenn.

22 June 2009 by Andi Couture featuring JUICY COUTURE accessories

don'tyouhateitwhen

people reply with one word answers ?
like, where can a conversation get with that ?
-"my dog died today" "oh." -"and so i was like . . and she was like . . and we started laughing." "wow."

i dunno about you guys, but when somebody constantly does that, i get the feeling that they aren't interested && i just stop talking to them. i usually do the one word thing when i just don't care about what a person is saying. hmm . .

i had to get up early today *ughh* because maintenance had to be done in the apartmentt.
that's really not a good thing for me seeing that i was up until like three on the phone with deeedeee && dev dev && texting warwar till like threethirty or sumthin. ughh, i'm stupid for only getting like four or five hours of sleep. but im not sleepy anymoree.

i went to the boys && girls club a few days ago. i haven't been back there in YEARS, but it feels like i pretty much grew up there. seeing miss tee was the best. her and mr. mark && all of them remembered me *how could they forget !*. she told me to come back this summer to volunteer . . i asked if they were hiring, but they aren't ):. mann, i'm looking for a job too && how better to work than at a place where i KNOW i'll have fun && i know the employer ? ahah (: but i think i'll use volunteering there as a way to earn my CAS hours next summer for IB.

soo, last weekend i went to mik's house with shamia. we had too much funn. since none of us are legally whipping, we had to walk unless offerred a ride by her parents. but it was cool, cuz the mall was right across the street.
* somebody please tell me why older guys are always trying to hit on younger girls ?! . . okay i think we all know the answer to that . . but really tho, it's kinda sad if you're over your mid twenties tryin to get with a girl in highschool.
but we were getting looked up && down by all of em. can't say i didn't like the attention, but it was kinda annoying at the same time.

*random- mikko thinks i'm immature or childlike in a sense because i don't wanna give older guys the time of day. but i think she's a dumbass for talking to all of these creeps the way she does. i mean, if i met a cute, nice older guy who had a lot of sincerity, i might think differently, but i doubt i ever will talk to an older guy like that. that's just not me.

but here are a few pictures that i've taken recently . .

thewayYOUmakemefeelpart6.

YOU
seem to be the only one around to listen to me these days. thanks, once again.

YOU
are becoming lesser and lesser in my eyes as the days pass by. i no longer need you around me or consider you to be one of my closest friends. i'm not really concerned with this either. maybe it will get better, maybe it wont. the sad thing is, i don't really care.

YOU
made me think this:

i could fcking slap you right now. do you even know what it means to back
the hell off of somebody's potential ? no, you don't. but i bet you wouldn't
like it if i started to be all over - - - - - - -, now would you ? we'll see
about that.

you seem to only be about yourself. just because you're having a fucked up
time && seem to have trouble getting the attention that you want doesn't
mean you need to go for what I or anybody else wants. i'd advise you to keep you hands to yourself && find your own because messing with other peoples seconds is really not cool.

YOU

never cease to make me smile. i'm glad that we are talking again, because you are by far the best friend that i have made this year. even though we went through all of that mess nearing the end of the year, my feelings for you have not gone away; they have only gotten stronger. from the start, you were a great friend. i learned to trust you very early into the year && it wasn't long until i could say that you were the one i could turn to for anything, especially problems with my dad && such. losing you as a friend, or thinking that i had lost you as a friend, really bothered me. it may not have seemed like it, but it really did. i'm glad that you initiated us working things out because i really wanted to, i just didn't know how. i love that now there's no anonymity between us. everything is out there . . so i guess now, whatever happens happens. only the future can tell. P.S.; i am looking forward to this year (:

YOU
are a peice of work. words can't explain what i think of you now . . because i don't know what to think of you. he tells me to disregard all of that && they agree that it is so wrong, but i just don't know. it's like we were okay, then this hits me && i just . . DON'T KNOW. the friendship will stay in tact, but i definitely know now to never trust you.

shesamazing.

PRISCILLA RENEA IS SUCH AN AMAZING LYRICIST.

i mean, really.
i love all of her lyrics; they are so true.
but this song, i keep replaying it. it's her cover of best i ever had.
check it out.
*i'm trying to figure out how to get this on my pagee.

summersummersummertime(:

is not going to be as boring as i thought it would be !

gosh, i'm only a day into it && things are just . . great.

friend drama ?
i'm so over that. last year is last year && we can forget about everything because i'm not angry anymore, even though i kind of want to be, i'm not. there's no point, it's useless. mainly, that just taught me who i can depend on, who i can turn to, && who is really there for me. thank you to everybody who affected me - negatively or positively, because no matter how i was affected by you, at least i learned something in the process. on the other side of friend drama, i'm simply not concerned, or as kelly would say, "i refuse to be concerned." lmfao.
but, i'm gonna do a whole separate post on all of the things i've learned this year.

in other summer news . .
my bestest bestest friends are coming back to VA !
ooooohhh emmmmm geeee ! i'm excited.
alexis is only gonna be here for the summer, but i glad she's even gonna be here for that because i miss her.
taylor is moving back, which is BIGG NEWSS ! she moved away in the sixth grade && i haven't seen her in like . . four years. this is gonna be great. i miss that girl && i remember all of the fun times we had. time ot make some more memories ! (:
leah . . well it's undecided where she will be, but it'd be cool if she moved back to NN too, especially this summer.

the whole gang reunited . . . wouldn't that be a sight to see ? aha (:
i'm gladd, because i thought this summer was gonna be blahh. but this just brightened up my day.

i can't wait. (:

myspacetopeight.

so i was just on myspace, looking at stuff && i realized;

my top friends really misrepresents my relationships.
i really don't agree with it, at all. && no matter what order i put the people in, it doesn't seem to make sense.

i think myspace should change it && make it so that the people that you add to your top can be randomized.
this would prevent petty arguements over "your higher on my top than i am on yours" && ignantshit like that.
it would also take my confusion away, so i'd no longer be paranoid about my friendships.

another thing they could do is something like facebook has, where you can choose best friends or sumthin like that, then have the rest of the people on your top designated as just "top friends."
i can't explain that too much, but if you get it, then good.

but i really don't know.
maybe i'm just thinking too hard on it . . but it irks me how i can't find a good order.

maybe that's because friends shouldn't have an order.
or maybe it's because i'm not as close to a lot of the people on my top as i thought i was, but i'm too busy trying to BE close that i dont realize that . . ?

WTF.

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF.

that just further proved my previous assumptions that i can no longer tell anyfuckingbody anything. going to people to just listen to my thoughts is no longer an option. your dumbass comment has just confirmed my thoughts: i can't tell anybody anything because they either;

1] only care about their own problems
2] tell me to build a fucking bridge && get over it - - - but everything is not that easy, trust me
3] are complete assholes && don't derserve to be trusted in the first place.

telling me to get over "it" is really not a good idea IF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT !
like WTFFF ? did i ever tell you to fucking get over you problems when you were stuck on him && couldn't get over it ?
NO.
because i KNOW it's not that easy && even though hearing his name every other minute is quite annoying, i wouldn't say "let the past be the past && get over it" because i'm a good friend. && i'd be there for you through whatever you were going through, whether you just needed me to listen or whatever. sure, there's a certain point where you need to let go, but with you having NO knowledge of what it is that i am going through, i'd really like for you to go sit the fuck down. it'd be totally different if i had ever actually talked to you about it.

no, don't think i'm bitching, because i'm not. i'm just fed up with the ignorance that surrounds me. i was just starting to calm down about the things that are happening with && around me, but this just heated me up even more.
this summer will be very good for me for that EXACT reason.
i don't want to lose any of my friends . . && this is exactly what i was afraid of:

another ignorant comment . . another bitchy response . . another friend lost.

i knew the bomb would go off soon.
time to let the fire sizzle down.

iloveyouguys.

i just wanna say that i love my readers.

well, the ones who give me feedback, anyway.
no, i don't just mean my followers, but all of the people who have visited and frequent my blog for updates, the ones who actually give me feedback, && even the ones who don't give feedback but read and enjoy reading.


*sidenote;
one of my readers recently commented my blogs. her name is Miss Wilson. i wanna say thanx because your suggestion helped. i'm not significantly religious, but i do rely on God for some matters. && i am a frequent writer. you kinda helped me come up with this idea . .

- instead of writing publiclly for everything, i will turn to pen && paper [as you suggested]. i have a lot of things to say to a person [people], but i'd rather not share those feelings with the world. writing a letter to this person [people] will help me say the things that i could never say out loud.

Miss Wilson, thanx for pushing me towards that idea (:

P.S.;
i currently have Pleasure P's CD The Introduction To Marcus Cooper on repeat !
it's better than i thought it would be; i LOVE it !
go check it out if you haven't already (:

ijustneedtogetaway.

MY STOMACH HURTS AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS NEGATIVE THINGS.

i feel like there's a LOT of twofaced people around me;
- people who say things && stop talking about them when you come around
- just bitches who don't know a good friend from a bad one
- etc etc etc.

my back hurts, i'm aching, && my uterus is falling.
* yes, it's that time. && i'm feeling really shitty. hormones or not, nothing seems to be going right.
it feels like nothing anybody says is positive - i only look at the negative && take that to the heart.
nobody seems to care anymore, so i just won't tell them shit && let them wonder what is wrong with me. it's not like anybody notices anyway because they're too busy worrying about their damn selves.

i'm so happy the year is ending. i need a break from everything && everybody. i just need time to think.
because if i don't get myself straight, i'm gonna lose a lot of good friends. so i'll just get my mindset correct before i try to help anyone else out.

i'm in a situation.

why don't you just do it ?

because i'm not you;
i need to work at my own pace && speed, so stop fucking rushing me. obviously i can't go to anybody to talk. how come when i wanna talk about my problems it's not a big fucking deal ? that's exactly why i fucking hate people && i am going to go back to being an introvert again.
don't tell me to fucking suck it up. even though you don't say those exact things, that's what the message is.

you people [yes, i said you people] think everything is good && gravy, but you have no idea what goes on behind the scenes.
ooooo, if you knew . . if only you knew.
but you dont.
because, once again, i can't tell people shit because the whole human race is full of idiots who only seem to worry && care about themselves.

*word of advice; you should really think about the things you say before you say them.

- a lot of things people say lately bother me, but i don't say anything. we already have enough drama, so i figure, why start anymore. but i'm tired of letting the little things slide, because obviously it's built up into this huge ball && now i'm just pissed the hell off. about nothing at all.

well, it's actually something && everything, at that.

i've been trying for the longest time to shrug it off like it's nothing.
i say it doesn't bother me but it does.
i wish i didn't care but i do.
i hate that i care because it makes me feel like shit.
feeling like shit only makes things worse because i dont know what to do.
when i dont know what to do, i'd like to talk to somebody who does know what to do.
but i've lost even that option . .

so what do i turn to now ?

allofthethingsishouldhavesaidthisweek.

i saw this on some site.
thought i'd try it out; i just might end up posting one ever week or so.

*it's really hard to do this && not get it confused with my thewayYOUmakemefeel's because they are so much alike !

All Of The Things I Should Have Said This Week

1. i miss you.


2. hi, my name is jada . . but i'm pretty sure you already knew that. -smiles-


3. you are the biggest bitch i've ever met.


4. what the hell are you starin at ?


5. i really like it when you do that.


6. i really hate it when you do that.


7. you sound like a whore . . oh, and you look like one too.


8. seeing you with her disgusts me . . i think im gonna puke. excuse me for a sec.


9. are you doing this on purpose ?


10. so, umm. i heard you wanted to talk to me ?


11. you're so fake.


12. you call yourselves best friends ? ha, yeah. okay.


13. as much as you think you aren't a bad person, you really are.


14. is this really how you want things to be ?


15. so if i said [insert here], would that change things at all ?


16. even though we're kinda distant right now, i hope you have a great summer.


17. i could fcking slap you right now. do you even know what it means to back the hell off of somebody's potential ? no, you don't. but i bet you wouldn't like it if i started to be all over - - - - - - -, now would you ? we'll see about that.


18. don't trust a hoe, never trust a hoe.


19. skinny bitches can't be trusted.


20. i try so hard to like you, and fail everytime.

&& there's more where that came from.

all of the things i should have said. [poem]

i wrote this poem a LONGG time ago, but it really explains how i'm feeling as of lately, ironicly.
it could use some work && editing, but it speaks my mind perfectly.

Hey, you.
I can't believe I'm really writing this right now.
I told myself you wouldn't care, but somehow
I just ended up sitting here. Only able to see your face.
And just in case you're still wondering, there's
Nobody in the world who could ever replace you.
But I doubt that you even care now.
I don't know why I care.
Because things were going great before she was there,
So is it her? Is she the reason for this all?
Is she the reason why lately you haven't returned my calls?

No? You say it's just me.
But I'm failing to see, exactly how that could be,
But it doesn't matter now.
I think now I'm wasting my time.
But just in case you're still reading, I'll just keep writing what's on my mind.

It's funny because when I think of you I'd
Rather remember how it use to be rather than how it is.
Things use to be so great.
I'm still trying to figure out what happened
To us.
To me and you.
To what we use to be
To what we could be, should be, and would be.
If only we'd done it.
Just come right out and said it.
But I guess it's too late now.
It seems like it's always too late.

You know, it's funny how all of this is just pouring out of me.
I've been holding it in for so long
So long that I could no longer go on,
Without you knowing.

Remember when I told you I hated you?
Well, I lied.
I was just mad that instead of me
You were standing by her side.
And that hurt.
It hurt like hell.
But I guess you couldn't tell
Because I tried not to show
How much I really cared.

And the thing that I've come
To realize is that
I never disliked all of those girls who were your friends.
It was always how close they seemed to you.
But in the end
It doesn't matter.

And you know all those other guys
You know, the ones you always hated?
Well I never put them before you.
You've always been number one.
But as time went on
I soon came to realize
How they affected you.
And even though I did nothing wrong
This apology is true;
I'm sorry.
For making you feel like you didn't measure up.
I'm sorry.
For making you think it was all your fault.
I'm sorry.
For all of these things and more.
But what's done is done
Though these things should have
Been said long ago.

Remember how I told you I didn't love you?
I lied
Remember when I told you I couldn't be with you?
He wasn't the reason why.
And sometimes I feel
Like we could've had something real
And when people come around
Thinking we're together
The hurt only grows.

But I guess, as I've said one too many times,
It doesn't matter anymore.
It seems that I've lost your heart for sure.
For good maybe.
I hope you know that this letter
Isn't anything to persuade you
Entertain you
Or to claim you
But just to inform you.
Because the fact still remains
That this thing has come to an end.
Wish we could start over
Go back to the beginning.
But we both know we can't
So this is my letter
To you
Of all of the things I should have said.

iminlove.

with this song !
it's so cutee. i heard it on this girl's myspace && i just think it's the cutest thingg.



her name is Priscilla Renea && here's her official myspace; http://www.myspace.com/PriscillaRenea

thewayYOUmakemefeelpart5.

YOU
are STILL on my mind, && will be in my prayers. i'm still not completely over it, but i do feel like i've regained some of what we lost with that whole ordeal. i hope everything is well with that && that you do what you need to do. as i have already said, i will pray for you.

YOU
are beginning to show your true colors. i don't know exactly what your true intentions are . . but whatever they may be, you just need to chill.

YOU
really should take that down. not only is it disrespectful that you use people's personal life situations in it, but you actually make it obvious as to who they are. seriously, it pisses me off that you portray all of us to be a certain way, because even if that's not how you REALLY see us, it makes us think that that's what you really think of us && our character, && quite frankly, it's insulting. making anything that's made out to be the people that are close to you is never a good idea, espcially without their permission. but if that's what you REALLY think of me, then so be it, because idk how else i can tell you that i don't like where this whole project is going besides telling you everything that i have just typed here. && i'm not changing for you [this i really want you to know, because you seem to be annoyed by "who i am" (your words, not mine). so if that's really the case, then you can just leave bc nobody but me is gonna determine WHO I AM]. so you continue on with what you do, but just know that i find it insulting && i am not supporting it AT ALL.

YOU
have been on my mind a lot lately. i don't wanna end this friendship, but i also don't wanna be too quick to forgive. yes, you hurt me && i never thought that you would do this, but shxt happens . . that's still no excuse, but is there really one ? but we'll get through it. afterall, i think this could have been much worse. so instead of dwelling on the bad, let's try our best to fix this. no, it won't be easy because nothing can change the fact that it DID upset me && i'm still not over it, really. but i will try, i will try.

YOU
are still playing the same game. it seems as if the only reason i can even be nice to you is because i'm still too naive to get over the fact that i actually do still have feelings for you. i keep telling myself, i'll get over you, you aren't worth it, my feelings are gone, but apparently all of that is as far from the truth as it gets. my ignorance to what is actually going on has made me more angry towards people than i actually should be because really, it was YOU all along ! you are the prime suspect while we are all the victims. what happened with the whole sitch disgusts me, seriously. like makes me wanna puke. i want so badly to forget all of this but i can't. i wish things were back to how they used to be, i wish i could press rewind && just say EXACTLY what was on my mind, but i obviously can't. all i can do is let it be && let things work themselves out. adding on to that, i don't know how strong our friendship even is anymore, considering you only talk to me when YOU feel like talking [which is fcked up btw] . . i just don't know what to believe anymore. if you really do still have feelings for me, then i just don't understand that. i can't believe anything that a lot of people say nowadays, && this falls into that category. but i really am sorry that i didn't just say everything from the beginning. really, i am.

YOU
are just wonderful. through all of the horrible things that have happened lately, you have been there to talk to me, console me, and give me advice when i needed it the most. i really want you to know how much that means to me && if you EVER need a friend to talk to, i'm here.

randomshit.

i haven't blogged in forever !
part of that is due to the fact that my laptop's charger is broken && i need a new onee.
so i only get on the PC at school or when i use the desktop at home, which i am starting to do more.

i'm currently at home, babysitting my little cousin, doing world history && health HW, and on myspacee. i'd rather be at fort fun with leah && chante, but i gotta learn to prioritizee.
later on, i'll go to my grandma's house to eat dinner, then probably do MORE HW.
ughh, i hate HW && im soo ready for the summer time.

for one, there's way too much drama going on, ESPECIALLY [of all times] at the end of the year . . like WTF ?
hopefully, all of this mess will blow over by the time the new year starts.

i made the final decision that i won't be playing volleyball this fall. instead, i'm gonna co-manage the team && do scorekeeping at the games.

this blogg is all over the place right now, but i just have a lot of things i wanna talk about . .

don't you hate when you finally get over sumthing . .
but then it just pops bac up, && you can't get that sumthing off of your mind FOR THE SECOND TIME ?
i'm going through a little bit of that right now, but i don't think i'll be paranoid about it for long. i mean, i will always wonder what if . . && maybe this . . but i'll be okay, i think.

sidenote; i think i've played Come On by Asia Cruise like fifteen times in the past hourr.
ooo, Love && Basketball is coming on soon ! [my fave movie everr]

just a final thought . .
URtriflinif..you are Consistantly lying. Always up to no good. Sneaky. Suspect. Whorish. Always scheming. Conniving. (Should never be trusted)
courtesy of shamia (: