well, for the person who is constantly asking me which of the YOUs of my thewayyoumakemefeel's is them . . this is for YOU, if you ever should read it. there should be no doubt in your mind now. at all.
I LOVE YOU.
but will that stop it from hurting any less
when you break my heart into a mess,
as i watch it shatter into a million pieces ?
I LOVE YOU.
but will that make you stop the tease,
if only to please
just me ?
I LOVE YOU.
even when you neglect me,
fail to respect me,
just out of spite.
I LOVE YOU.
but will you take the time to read between
everything i mean
in what i say ?
I LOVE YOU.
still when you become obsessed
with things that should matter less
between us.
I LOVE YOU.
and your silly antics,
because i find them romantic;
they never get old.
I LOVE YOU.
because you're my best friend,
and even managed to win
the key to my heart.
I LOVE YOU.
but will that stop the pain from growing,
my feelings from showing,
what's really on my mind ?
I LOVE YOU.
more and more as the days go by,
and still you wonder why
i love you.
I LOVE YOU.
for reasons that cannot be explained
even when i strain
to decode them.
I LOVE YOU.
even when you don't see
how much you mean to me
and that this is real.
I LOVE YOU.
for who you are.
we've come this far;
there's no turning back.
if anything i want you to promise me,
that even when we disagree,
our relationship falls from the highest of trees,
and lands to our knees
that you will always believe that
felt the need to just write but you don't know what to write ?
well, that's how i'm feeling.
right now i feel kinda crappy . . ehh. my head hurts && i can't get this damn song outta my head, although i wish so badly that i could.
there's a HUGE difference.
between "i luv you" && "i love you."
i realize that now more than ever.
LUV is more when you see that person as your cute, boyfriend/girlfriend. the feelings are strong, but more of in a lusty way. you don't really have that deep of an emotional bond and attatchment to them . . you're in it more for the ride than anything.
LOVE is when you can't go a day without knowing what that person is doing. it's where they can hurt you so badly, but still you end up wishing they were still there && wanting them back. love is when you can tell someone everything and trust them with all of your heart. when you're in love you have the biggest emotional attatchment that you'll probably ever have with anybody. love makes you feel things that you've never felt before. love is the realest of the all of the emotions you can feel for somebody . . && it usually lasts a lifetime.
there's also a difference between loving somebody and actually being in love with somebody.
i struggle to define the two, although i know that there is indeed a difference.
i think that being in love is more emotional than just loving somebody. because when you're in love . . idk, it's just different. it really is . . i wish i knew how to put that into words.
do you guys agree that there's a huge difference between the two ?
maybe my definitions of the two words don't fit yours, so feel free to leave your own thoughts on that.
this girl is like . . dead on.
nicki does sound like this, acts like this [gum chewing . . arrogance, && all].
lololol. i wonder if she's seen it ? ahaha, anyway just watch it.
if you know anything about nicki minaj you will understand.
is the shittt.
so are these fruitista freezes or whateverr.
YOU
have been a longtime friend. i've realized that it sometimes takes horrible things to make people realize who is really there for them && you have been there for me in whatever it is i need lately. our trust has spread beyond my problems to yours && i'm happy to say that i can trust you, like i never have before. for being a great friend, i love you. (:
YOU, YOU, && YOU
i miss you guys so much. people may think that i bitch a lot about not having you guys around, but they don't know that half of the shit we have been through. i miss having those three best friends that i could go to no matter what . . even when we would fight [ahaha, third grade drama], i miss that too. because that is what made us the strong friends that we once were . . . && i miss that . . i really do. with all of the uncertainty && trustless relationships i surround myself with, i need you guys back badly.
YOU
have helped me out recently. our relationship has been broken && mended, but regardless of all of that i just want to thank you. even if only for that one time, thank you. because you truly did help me. i can actually say i felt close to you again, even if only for a moment.
YOU
have become so . . fake. it's like you talk badly about somebody one second and the next you're being all buddy buddy with them . . i've been paying close attention to what people tell me && that, plus your daily dose of gossip only leads me to the conclusion that you are . . fake. i wonder how much of a "good friend" you have been to me.
YOU
are just . . UGH to me. i'm sitting here wondering why i ever liked you in the first place but the answer is unclear. you always seem to find the need to be EXTRA, putting your business out then getting mad when people are in it, && dumb shit like that. quite frankly, you're starting to piss me the fck off.
YOU
put me at a loss for words. i don't know where we're at or where we're going, but i hope that we are getting somewhere.
YOU
seem to always give me a hard time. i try, i really do . . i just hope all of the bad memories can be put aside because feeling the way i do towards you is not going to get me through life. i miss the old you. PS; typing those few sentences actually made me cry.
things i have learned as of lately.
1. don't stress what won't matter in the future because you just might miss out on something that could have been great.
- - - i've seen this happen once too many times this year . . to me && to other people. i hate that i worried so much about all of the small things because it really caused me to miss out on some things && people, && it would have been great to have had those experiences. i think that if i had just payed attention to what was happening then, things now would be much different . .
2. you have to learn to ACCEPT the flaws or just LET GO.
- - - you CANNOT change somebody, particularly somebody who does not want to be changed. it's just not gonna happen. there have been several instances where i have tried to accept people the way they were but they wouldn't accept me back. && that's when i decided, i just don't care.
3. relationships can be broken by the smallest things.
- - - this is so true. a few of my relationships this year that have been damaged are damaged, but for what reason ? it's like the smallest things build up . . && if you LET those things continue to build, they will become irreversible && you will be in a position that you never intended to be in.
4. you CANNOT help something or someone that/who does not want to be helped.
- - - this is pretty much the same as 'you cannot change something or somebody' . . you just can't. i don't wanna say that i've tried to change any of my friends this year . . but more of help them. if you're a position that i see is hurting you more than helping you, i'm gonna try to get you out of that position, but if you are reluctant to move with me, then i cannot help you. this one is hard to put into words, so i hope you all understood that.
5. you may be just plain jane in your own eyes, but i GUARANTEE you that there is somebody out there who thinks you're a pearl in a box of tainted jewlery.
- - - this one has been very true for me. it's hard for me to verbalize this . . really hard. but you know how something totally catches you offguard ? it's kinda like that . . . well, i never thought that i was like BAM! or stunning or anything like that y'kno ? but i realized that even though i don't, there is somebody out there who does . . && it's really nice to know that.
6. you can't please everybody.
- - - i'm not the type of person to go out of my way to be somebody's friend or make them happy. like, if we don't click then we just DON'T. this year i tried and tried to befriend somebody, but i realized that i just don't like this person like that. i emotionally CAN'T be friends with them because there is not a time when i am with them that this person does not get on my nerves ! . . . && don't get me wrong, i seriously TRIED . . all freakin school year, && failed each time. i still don't understand what's so great to love about this person . . && i probably never will. i mean, we can be acquaintances, but we have a long way until we are FRIENDS.
7. holding back is one of the biggest mistakes you can ever make.
- - - you know why ? because when you hold back what you so desperately need to say or what you are truly feeling, you hinder what the future could possibly present you with. i've held back a lot in my recent past . . . in a certain situation, had i not held back, an event that forever ruined trust with my "best friend" could have been avoided . . had i not held back, me and you may be in a different place today . . but what's done is done. it's just another lesson learned: never hold back.
8. some people are put into your life to teach you a lesson . . && others are there to stay.
- - - kinda like in that one tyler perry play, where he compares people to trees. some people are leaves, who leave you in seasons. some people are the branches, who thin through time. && others are the stem that stick with you through everything. i think i have realized who my bark && stems are . . also, in the words of Kelly: there's a distinct line between bitches and friends.
okay.
the other day, i saw some screenshots && an interview of Drake's new video Best I Ever Had.
he said he thought of doing something serious && romantic like, but threw that idea idea bc this song is too "fun" for that.
so i was thinking . . okayy, as long as it's still a good video.
then that mess gets released . . && im trying to like it . . but it makes absolutely no sense. i don't get it . . it's not interesting. just girls "stretching" && everything . .
it had some good points, but the majority of it was . . ehh.
i really wish he would have done something where it was him && his girl . . kinda like "Like You" by bow wow && ciara.
i dont blame it on drake . . it was kanye's idea.
that would have been hot . . but here's the vid.
Drake "Best I Ever Had" from kwest on Vimeo.
