jeremih.

is freakinn beautiful !
perfect skin, nice lips, unique voice, just heavenlyy.

substitute teachers are the bestt.

stole this from deanna. lmfao, mann i swear this dudes voice was mad annoying.
im sittin there lookin all clueless && whatnot.
but this is from a few months ago.

comments.

i figured out why i never get any comments.

the comment button was like, dysfunctional.
but i think i fixed it (:

*JiZZAoutt;

thewayYOUmakemefeelpart4.

** note; i wrote the first two a few days ago. some feelings have changed since then.

YOU
are my best friend. i realize that i only need one best friend in this fcked up world && that person is you. thanks for being there.

YOU
can leave. plain && simple. im tired of tryin. && even when i'm the ONLY one there, you still treat me like crap. so i guess it's time to move on. let's see how you feel when you realize that all of the other people never cared as much as me. P.S. ; i could've given up on you at ANY point throughout this year considering all of the times you've given me reason to . . but did i ? ; take a look around and admire the friends [or people that you think are] that you have left around you cuz now, i'm G O N E . i can't wait until the day you realize what a great friend i was to you - - i really don't mean to sound arrogant, but it is true.

YOU
confuse the shxt outta me. make up your mind; WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE ? because i'm not always gonna be there like your little ventriloquist dummy so either you do or you don't. i need to know because opportunities are hitting me like the chill of january weather, so swallow your pride and just say it. really tho, considering all of the things that have happened lately, i dont really know if i'd take your offer even if it was given to me. you have proven me wrong on so many different levels; you're not as perfect && great as i once thought you were - && no, i'm not asking you to be perfect . . i'm just asking you to be true. but it's obvious that just isn't something that you are capable of doing long term, or even short term at that.

YOU
are annoying. leave me alone, lose my number, && have a nice life. kayy ? thxx.

that'swhatyougetwhenyouletyourheartwin.

so this weekend was okay.

not boring, but not hoorah hoorah either.

FRIDAY
- - went to jae's game with kelly. i had fun, no credit due to the actual basketball game, but talking to kelly is what really made it interesting. i discovered some new things that i hadn't known before && it made me think about it pretty much all weekend. but i kinda decided that words don't mean a thing if you can't back your actions up with it, so to the person that i am referring to youcanstillleave because you say one thing but turn around and do the complete opposite. ooo yeah, two can surely play that game.

SATURDAY
- - i thought i was going to the mall, but instead i went to ruby tuesday with mi madre && then to visit my godmother's mother, my godbrother, godsister, && her baby. he is SOOOO cute ! like seriously, just adorable. i'll post pictures one day.

SUNDAY
- - went to busch with kelly, jessie, && erin. i feel like i haven't hung out with erin in ages, it was nice to be with her. sadly, we didn't make any new "friends" but we did see a couple of ppl that we would have liked to befriendd. aha. it started raining && even tho it stopped a little, we left busch garden's early && went to jessie's house. we didn't stay at her house long bc we went to jae's which was interesting bc i realized that jaelynn runs like a crackhead ! lmfao omgg you had to see herr ! but we all got tired of being eaten up by mosquitos so kelly's dad came to get us && we all went home. [that had to be the best day of my weekend]

MONDAY
- - blahhh. woke up around noon && went to my grandma's to eatt. saw the fam [aunt, grandparents, cousin] then left around fivee. now im homee typing this (:



oo yeah; my first vlogg got some good feedback ! maybe i'll make more videos (:

P.S.; it amazes me how i have 30 followers && barely any commenters. =|

first video blog.

idk how often i will do these, but here ya go.
&& my voice sounds deep . . =|

thewayyoumakemefeelpart3.

YOU
are taking me by surprise. never never NEVER in a million years would i have thought that i'd even be thinking of you the way i have been or seeing you in the light that i see you in now . . you make me laugh when i'm having a bad day && i never wanna see the day that we won't be friend's anymore.

YOU
have been my friend ever since i was a confused sixth grader. you have taught me that words are more powerful than any of us could ever imagine, because i would have never thought that my words could mean that much to someone . . especially through a medium such as the computer. boyy, i'm gonna miss you to death. why did you have to end what was so precious so soon ? i love you as if you were here with me in VA && even tho you are gone, that's never gonna change. R.I.P.

YOU
are a mystery. you could be the missing piece to the puzzle that i've been pondering over so long . . or you could just be another person to pass through my life. regardless of "what you are in my life", you are a great friend. or at least i thought so . .

YOU
are a question mark in my book. anonymous you are; still unidentified, but hopefully you will come around soon. i have a feeling it could be you, or maybe even you. you are a stranger but still everything that i want and need.

YOU
used to be one of my favorite people. but those feelings are long gone and i doubt that they will ever return. the way you treat people on certain occassions is really unnecessary and hopefully soon you will realize how rude and wrongg it really is. i dont think you know exactly what the things you do mean to people - you confuse the people who are supposed to be your friends into thinking that you feel some type of way when really, you're just blowing them off for the heck of it. I really believe that if you continue to treat people like this you will loose what could potentially be good friends, but until you
change your behavior, things will remain the same. P.S. : you can't
play a group of friends without them finding out, dumbass.

YOU
are wrong on so many levels. if i could, i would call you out on ALL of your wrong doings . . but that's something that i'm not gonna do because that would be totally unnecessary and triflin but just kno that i kno && that i will never again trust you the way i once did. i thought i had gotten rid of all the twofaced people and trash in my life . . but obviously i have some more cleaning to do. on second thought . . maybe i shouldn't even blame you; why should i ? it's not like we all haven't fallen victim to it. it's just a shame on your part that it had to happen in the way that it did.

mayfourteenth.

So today i took my AP test. That mess was long but not really hard as long as 
you kno your stuff . . . too bad i dont kno my stuff that well . . Aha. 
But yeahh, i took it but i dont think i did too well. Thats okayy bc this is my 
guinea pig year.

Soo i think im dealing with sum twofaced bitchess . . And thats sumthing that i 
genuinely dislike with a passion. But it's okayy because every once in a while 
we need to see people behaving out of character so we can decide for ourselves 
where their loyalty really lies. The friendship(s) that im referring to will 
remain the way they are, but pretty much all trust is gone. I'm not gonna go 
into detail about who or what i am talking about because that would just be 
unnecessary and triflin . . . But now i kno who i can really trust. That 
situation itself ? Well im not concerned about it; it's just really sumthin that 
you can think you have sumone figured out, but then sumthing else tells 
you another side of them is still hidding under the first layer. Well, that's 
life for ya . . .

So what else neww is going on with me ? Nothin really. Bac to the same ol same 
ol, it seems. School is almost out and im SOOO happy for that. i'm even ready 
for a new year to start, but i still have to decide if i'm gonna play volleyball 
this fall. i'm not sure what im gonna do, i may end up just not trying out and 
settling for the manager's position. That really doesn't sound like a bad idea 
right now. I dont have nuch longer to decide; tryouts are in august, but we will 
see.  

[my version] soonerthanlater - - female response.

i started this a while ago [4/11/09] . . && still haven't finished . . ahah.
too badd.

you forgot to call me on my birthday
that's how i know im never on your mind
i hope there's something we can do to fix this
all i ever asked you for was time

when the feelings aren't as strong as they used to be
and im tired of dealing with it every day
i will realize that there's more out there for me
but my love for you will make me want to stay

so i will do you this favor
if you'll pull it together
make it sooner than later
i may not be here forever
and i've already waited this long
but im not moving on

i don't need noone else
i don't need noone el-el-el-el-else
i don't need noone else
i don't need noone el-el-el-el-ooh
i don't need noone else

i think it's time for a new begininning
cause things are getting harder everyday
when i try to leave something always stops me
and i turn around saying that i'll stay

when the feelings aren't as strong as they used to be
and im tired of dealing with it every day
i will realize that there's more out there for me
but my love for you will make me want to stay

so i will do you this favor
if you'll pull it together
make it sooner than later
i may not be here forever
and i've already waited this long
but im not moving on

i don't need noone else
i don't need noone el-el-el-el-else
i don't need noone else
i don't need noone el-el-el-el-ooh
i don't need noone else

the love or the life ?
sometimes we have to choose.
when one aint actin right
then it's liable to lose.
my trust and my faith
can only go so far
but with you in my life

taketimetorealize.

if you just realize what i just realized . . then we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now . .
*;colbiecaillat - - realize.

so i've realized,

i'm not attracted to guys that greet me with the overused line, "what's good"
or guys that try to pull off the bad boy look or anything close to that.

if anything, i've learned that the guys that bring me in && make me interested, even when i try not to be interested, are those with a high intelligence level and a humorous personality.

sure, the bad boys are interesting when your first meet them, but when that rush of lust is over, so is the relationship.
i want a guy that isn't afraid to be hisself, no matter what the people around him think.
a guy that is shy when it comes to certain things, but outstandingly bold when it comes to others.
someone who loves watching a children's show such as Hip Hop Harry and will go around saying it without shame.
someone that can make me laugh even when i don't want to, who will ask if i'm okay even if i only have the slightest hint of discomfort on my face, who will talk to me even when they shouldn't be, && who can be my friend before being my lover.

i feel as tho i have already met this guy, i just don't want to admit it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so question;
what do you do when you think you've fallen for your friend ?
someone who's been there as a buddy, but now you seem to want them as more ?

this question as been recurring in my mind lately . .