icantwaittohateyou.

"i'm gonna cut your dick off and send it to her in the mail."

funniest thing i've said today - no lie. lol and i was serious too.

well, i haven't blogged in a minute but i have a lot on my mind now so . .

i just don't care anymore. and i am so serious when i say that.
i don't know if this is the right thing to do, but i'm done. i have never in life let myself be so vulnerable . . never. and the people that know me the best know that i HATE being vulnerable . . so i never put myself into vulnerable situations. but this time . . it was different.

or so i thought.

eh, it's whatever. as Kelly would say, "i refuse to be concerned." but the fact of the matter is that i am concerned, and as much as you guys tell me not to be . . i just am.
*speaking of you guys, i need to thank you. like seriously.

• torrie, firstly and foremost; you were there when i needed you . . the first one i turned to. i love you.
• hollie; wowww, i've never talked to you so deeply about anything. i realize now that you are a good friend. always there when needed (:
• shamia; you are kinda triff lol . . but still. thank you.
• alexis; omgggg. chick, you are one of the best friends i could ask for. you have helped me through a lot recently. i love you.
• jae; ahahahaha, you are too funny. but i think you were right . . about what you said today. thank you.
• jessie; you're never too far away to hear me out. i love you. (:

i have more to say, but i refuse to say it to everyone on blogger. this shit is ridiculous. i will NEVER let myself feel this again. even if that means shutting down anyone who threatens to take my heart . . i'm not the mushy lovey dovey type . . but that's some real ish from the heart.

don'tyouhate.

people who only talk to you for one reason . . once they get their answer or whatever they leave like it's nothin.
or even those who talk you up just to find information . . they don't really care about you, they're doing it for their own selfish reasons.

dirtyasslookindudes that try to holla when they are NOWHERE NEAR your level.
they don't even have to be dirty . . just annoying as hell. if i said no once, i'll say no twice.

JOCKS ? i mean, DANG, can i get my personality back ?

i see a lot of people taking my YOU idea && other writing ideas i have . . ughh that really bothers me. i understand you like the idea, but really ? i just don't like being imitated in any form. writing is my only personal escape && when that's copied it just seriously bothers me. && then artist obsessions . . after one person goes crazy over an artist, usually undiscovered, i see other people adding shit to their myspaces like they've been fans for forever. seriously ? girl, BOO.

when you can't find a song on the internet or on limewire that you're DYING to add to your mp3 player ?

ughh. that's happening to me at this very moment.

when things aren't as simple as you wish they were OR when something you thought was simple turns into this big ball of confusion ?

just gotta accept the fact that life isn't like burger king; you can't ALWAYS have it how you want it, when you it, && just plain YOUR WAY.


that was my little iRant for the moment . . haven't really ranted in a while.

hewillbemissed.

he will be missed, no doubt about that.
on my short time of being on this earth, i've always known that there was an MJ.
but now that he's gone . . it's just like wow.
he was one of my favorite artists, no lie.
thriller has always been my favorite CD.
i could listen to that ALL DAY.

but what really bothers me is the ignorant people on myspace postin dumb shit like we can't mourn his death. i mean, no we don't personally know him, but really tho, it's a loss for the music industry.
that's just like saying we can't be sad that our best friend's uncle's cousin died, just because we didnt know them.
what kind of mess is that ?

all i know is that i am sad about this.

R.I.P. MICHAEL JACKSON
1958 - 2009

question;

am i REALLY that untrustworthy ?

i'm really not understanding why certain people feel like if they tell me sumthin, i'm gonna go && tell the ppl that are closest to me.
like seriously ? i barely tell her anything cuz i think she's gonna go && tell her && maybe her. so why even waste my secrets && breath?


so what, it happened ONE time ?
give me a BREAK.
i'm so done with this bullshit - not stressin it anymore because really ? i don't think it's worth it. thought we were gettin sumwhere, but NO. i thought wrong.

i honestly think that i'm gonna end up marrying myself, having sex with myself, && just loving MYSELF because ppl annoy me THAT much.
i feel misunderstood . . TO THE FULLEST.
i feel as tho i can't be trusted && i can trust NO-ONE.
&& i have every reason to feel that way too.
so you can't tell me that i'm blowing this outta proportion.

if you really can't trust me THAT MUCH, then that's fine.
i'm not gonna beg for your loyalty.

then there's the chick that thinks she's just ALL THAT.
it's like she walks around singin to herself, like, "aint i, aint i, aint i, AINT I?"
NO. you aren't. but it's all good.
not even gonna call you out on that one, cuz it's not worth it.
just 'laughing my ass off' bc all of the things you assure yourself are probably FAR from the truth.

i'm just sayin;
certain things && people are slowly starting to lose my interest && attention because it's obvious that they just aren't in my range anymore.
not tryna make any decisions too qucikly tho . . . just kno that it's been on my mind.

thisneedstobesaid.

JOCKS.

i hate you && everything you stand for [whatever the fck that may be . . seeing as what you *attemp to; stand for is what i actually am . . whatev].

you are getting nowhere with not BEING YOURSELF. don't impersonate sumbody else; you just look stupid && desperate. SERIOUSLY.

i don't know how many times i've said this but . .
originality is EVERYTHING.

get some . .

that's all i have to say on that (:

don't you just love how;

people contradict themselves.

more specifically;
it annoys the crap outta me when people get heated when they aren't invited places && included in everything you do . .
but when YOU aren't invited to everything they do it's supposed to be all good ?

nawww hoee, fckk THAT !

it's not even about ppl who WANT to be included . . it's those who actually COMPLAIN.

idk, but that annoys me a little.
like, i have to take you out in public ALL THE TIME.
but when it all comes down to it, you feel like you can just chillax on the invitations bc you're just magically important ?
da fck ?

emmhmmm, seems to me that there's sum foulplay in that.


then also [since im in ranting mode] . . .
you got those ppl who just WANT you to say sumthin . . like they'll walk away just KNON that you're gonna tell them not to leave . . or they'll put themselves down just KNON that you're gonna make them feel better about a flaw that's not even there . .

UH UH, THEY JUST KNEW.

but i caught myself on that today . . i said sumthin [jokingly, of course] to my friend and [he/she] just walked away, takin it all serious && shii. && i had THE NERVE to be like "waitt, i was just kidding !"

if i could go back, i would slap myself at that very moment . . .
ughhh, i'm just a person that's FULL of annoyances . . one day i'll blogg about what actually does make me happy . .

wats poppin ma ?

da FCK ?

my answer to the title of this blog ? NOTHING.
honestly, that's what i'm about to start using as a reply to any dude that asks me that.
i mean, get a new line. seriously tho.

don't come at me OVER MYSPACE like that.
if you really wanna start a conversation with me or get to know me then,

FIRST OF ALL;
get ya grammar correct. i mean, a sentence needs to have a subject && a verb, firstly.

SECOND OF ALL;
be ORIGINAL !
i think im about to stop responding to these DUMB AS FCK messages like, "Wats gud" && "wats poppin" && all that other shii.
like really, some of these guys talk to me for the first time saying that, && that's alright SOMETIMES. but if it starts to become a habit, then that's a problem.

THIRD;
if you ARE talkin to me for the first time, then why even say that ?
why not start out with "What's your name?" or something simple like that.
i mean, REALLY THO !

i just had to get that outta my system cuz, WOO CHILLLD, i just got another message like that.

Moral of the story ?;
If you wanna score brownie points, don't ask me dumb oversaid questions.
kayy ? thxx (:

WHAT|THE|FCK ?!

ooo my jizza oo my jizza ooo my jizza !

just STOP !

i'm sooo SICK of people taking sides in stuff that they don't even know about !
in case you haven't already figured it out, i'm referring to the Chris Brown - Rihanna sitch.

sumbody tell me WHY people like to speak on stuff they don't know about ?
i mean, first of all;
there are SOO many freakin rumors goin around ! now, obviously, SUMBODY had to START the rumor in order for 24973953105031854 other people to have heard about it. this is truly SAD.
these are the things that i have heard of so far;

• chris brown went psycho because he found out rihanna gave him herpes - - WRONG ! ; if that happened to be true [which it MOST LIKELY isn't], it's a WRAP for him in every way possible.
  
• rihanna threw chris brown's keys outta the car and he snapped - - POSSIBLY true; i believe this to be true, but if so, there is MUCH more to the story.
• rihanna went psycho on chris brown after reading a text message on his phone OR after he told her it was over and he proceeded to pick up another girl while rihanna was still in the car and that's when she snapped - - oooooo YES ! i always thought rihanna was one of them PSYCHO bxtches . . i think that any variation of this story could be true. afterall, most of the stories i have heard had sum sorta variation of this && they all make sense. but if chris really did pick up sum girl while he was with her then just . . WOW. childish.
• rihanna swung the first punch - - hahaha. need a say more ? this right here ? is SOOO believable.
  
• they got into a car accident, therefore all of rihanna's bruises aren't from chris, himmself. OR chris was trying to pull rihanna out of the car but she wouldn't leave && got her injuries from hitting the dashboard, etc. - - i truly believe this one right here. that makes alot of sense because chris brown really does NOT seem like the type of dude to go amazin hulk on ANYBODY, even with good reason. so this makes alotta sense. i mean, could you really believe that rihanna, being as tall as she is, would let a dude that is almost equivalent in size beat her without taking defense ? this brings me to the last rumor i will name . .
  
• it was one on one ; they were BOTH hitting EACH OTHER - - this is probably the most accurate rumor of them all. like i just said, rihanna's tall [&& crazy] ass is not just gonna let chris brown swing at her without defending herself. really ? WHY would she not fight bac ? so if what i'm saying makes sense && is true, then WHY is chris getting all of the NEGATIVE media attention ? && why are double standards playing such a huge, but backseated, role in this ?
  

rihanna is getting the easy way out because of a DOUBLE STANDARD ?!

okay, see this ? PISSES ME OFF !
i have a question; why is it okay for a woman to hit a man but NEVER okay for a man to hit a woman ?
i understand that it is out of respect that a man never hits a woman, but there are times that you need to defend yourself.

guys, if a girl was comin at you wrong && then started HITTING you. && i don't mean hitting like playfully or weakly, but VIOLENTLY, would you NOT defend yourself ? COME ON NOW. you can't tell me that you wouldn't. && if you wouldn't it's probably BECAUSE of that stupid double standard.
i think that a man has every right to defend hisself if ANYBODY violently attacks him.

ladies, i kno you're probably like NO, a man should never hit a woman, but you aren't seeing all sides of the situation.
women of our country fought for the equal rights of WOMEN && MEN. so if this equality applies to EVERYTHING, then why are we putting ourselves on a pedestal ? why should it be okay for WOMEN to do something that men cannot do [&& vice versa] ? exactly, it SHOULDN'T be okay.

so really; WHY is rihanna getting all of the good media attention ? they will display all of these rumors, but not ONCE will they demean her but find EVERY reason to demean chris ? BEEE-ESSS !
just because chris is a MALE he gets negative attention thrown at him because . . OMG GET READDYYY FOR IT ! . . he HIT A WOMAN ! okay ? if it had been a FEMALE beating a MALE would it have been any different ? i think it would have . . this has EVERYTHING to do with the double standard of females being higher than a male physically.

STOP TAKIN SIDES !

okay, just because you "LOVE" chris brown means NOTHING AT ALL ! i luvv him too . . but that doesn't mean you should automatically take his side.
i've seen comments on blogs, websites, && even CHRIS BROWN && RIHANNA'S MYSPACES! saying "chris, you don't need that BITCH bringin you down !" or "WE KNO YOU DIDNT DO IT CHRIS !" or "RIHANNA YOU GOT SOME NERVE TO MAKE CHRIS SEEM LIKE A WOMANBEATER".
like WTF ? CHILL OUT ! you can't go bashin one or the other just because you "LOVE" them ! just like you can't take sides based on a double standard or what you 'heard'.

now see, i'm kinda siding with chris. && don't go giving me the hypocrisy speech because i have my reasons.

i could see a long time ago that sumthin wasn't all peaches && cream with rihanna . . && now i believe that even more. i think she has a side that only the people in her life have seen. && plus, why in the world would CB go off like that ? really ? there HAS to be more to the story. i just sense that there's sum error in rihanna's story. but i can't say anything right now because NOTHING has been clarified.

&& also . . chris brown supposedly issued a statement on his facebook saying that it was okay bc we will all soon see rihanna's dark side. && i believe i already have.

silly kids;

hahahahahaha.
AHAHAAHAHAHA.
i'm so amused right now.

soo, i don't kno if yall have noticed this in your community lately, but i've seen it MUCHO in mine.

since when does being in the EIGHTH GRADE make you a senior in middle school ?
'da fck ?
like seriously tho ; MIDDLE SCHOOL does not have levels.
i mean, when i was in the eighth grade, we were just happy to be gettin outta middle school.
but now, yall think just bein at the top of ya level makes u a senior ? ? pshAHHH.
absolutely not.
if anythingg, it only means that you made it that far. so congratulate yourselves for that much.

&& then, what are the other levels supposed to be ?
so i understand that being a sixth grader would let you qualify as being a freshman.
because you're fresh meat to the school.
but what's a seventh grader ? a junior ? i mean, you can't completely skip over one class or not use it at all.
that's what i dont get about the whole thing.
it makes absolutely no sense.

ahahahaha - - yess, i'm still elohel'ing.

buhh anywhoo.
i was talking to my best friend about this.
&& we were discussing how next year all of the seniors from our old middle school will probably walk into our current school like they own it.
&& i'm thinkin, "bxtch, please."
girlboo, if they think they can walk in && take shxt over like it's theirs, we will gladly put them in their place.
&& no, im not sayin that bc we think we're somehow better than them because we are older.
im sayin that bc that's just what seems like will happen.

but forreal forreal, i'm exicted to see all of the freshmen next year.
i dont kno if next year can top this year, but it seems like it'll be wayy too much fun to even think of.

hopefully, i'll still be on the volleyball team even tho i'm not playin club. if so, that will make my year - && my summer. lmfaoo (:

haha. those summer practices were the best . .
mann, im gettin offtopic.

guess i should end this.

Moral of the story ? ;
the only certified seniors are old && gray or at the top of their game in highschool !

PS;
sum of yall kiddies might be offended by this.
but just so ya don't ghed confused . .
this chick named jada doesn't give a finger in thee middle what yu think cuz this blog is for me to EXPRESS MYSELF !
(: