[short story] love is a strong word, but hate is even stronger.

SHE HATED HER.

it hadn't started when she was born or even when she became old enough to realize what filth the world actually contained. but it rather began when she had simply had enough. it started to take more of a toll on her than ever; her social life, her home life, and her innerself were all rupturing before she could put the pieces back together [or so that's what it felt]. she could no longer hold in the emotions that she'd kept locked in her for so long. it was a REVOLT.

"dumb bitch," she muttered to herself, or so she thought she had. but it came out to be louder than it was meant to.

"what the hell did you just say to me?" her mother was not one to tolerate backtalk or anything of the sort, and she defenitely would not put up with being called out of her name by her own children.

"answer me, girl. what the hell did you just say to me?"

"nothing, i said nothing." she was more scared than she had ever been. it amazed, yet frightened, her that she had even allowed her lips to utter such things in the presence of this woman.


but this was only the first of the outbreaks. the second had been the worst of the two. the second had been the time when she finally let go - all of the previous anger and hidden sadness that was built up was finally released.

"im tired of your shit." she had said it, but this time with confidence and no leftover weight on her conscience.

"what?" the middle-aged woman exclaimed.

"i said," she announced with great inflection in her voice, "i'm tired of your shit. i'm tired of you. i'm sick of the way that you treat me; you obviously don't love me so don't try to say that you do. i hate living this way, here, with you. i cant stand your bitchy attitudes and the way you talk to me like i'll just forget that this even happened. i just only wish that you could spend a day in my shoes and see how this really makes me feel. your actions don't only affect you and though i doubt you'll ever understand it, they really affect me too. "

"you think i care that you don't like me?" the woman exclaimed yet again.

"it's not enough to say that i don't like you, but i think i'm actually beginning to hate you."

she felt better than she ever had. she didn't exactly feel great for lessening her mother's worth, - but then again, her mother had done that enough herself with those late nights and early mornings - but she did feel good for standing up for herself. she felt like she'd be okay for a short period of time. but that was before it hit her . . literally.

a huge sting lingered on her brown cheek. the slap hit her so hard that she loss the proud feeling she had just had a few moments ago.

"you hate me?" her mother's expression wasn't an angry one, but more of a sad one.

the teenage girl just stared upon her mother's brown, round face. she was no longer proud, or scared. she was now regretful. what had she said? had that been the right way to word her feelings?

she hadn't meant to hurt her mother or sadden her with doubts of her child's love for her. she had only meant to make her feel the same way she felt everyday. but that's when she realized . .
that was exactly how she felt. and as much as it pained her to admit it, she had lost faith that the mother she wished for would ever come back.

***********************************
this is my first short story that has been posted on blogger.
please leave your comments; tell me how i can improve my writing && included what my strongpoints are.
&& also, just tell me if you liked it ! (:

lovers&&friends ?

so im just sittin back, listening to Closer by Drake && Andreena Mills.
i swear he's the realest.
for those of you that JUST hopped onto his stuff, you're not a true fan of him until you've heard his old stuff, because it's just as good [if not better] than his most recent.

so i've been hit with sum hard news lately . . nothing i really wish to discuss with the world. but let's just say hopefully this will overcome us all, because if it doesn't then . . i dont kno . . but it's like;
why do bad things happen to GREAT people ? i mean, really tho . . she doesn't deserve this . . she's great to everyone around her, does everything she possibly could for EVERYBODY. this truly SUCKS.

anywhooo. i meant to blog on this a long time ago . . but there's a lot of things i wanna blog about that i haven't . .
soo, FRIENDS; guy/girl friendships to be specific.
can a guy && a girl ever JUST be friends ? that meaning without one or the other ever catching feelings.
my answer to this ? is vague.
umm, i suppose this can be possible, but chances are if they aren't emotionally connected in that way, the girl will start to notice how right the guy looks in one of his brand new polos, or the guy will start wondering what's beneath the threads of her jeans or sum mess like that.
that's just natural; to wonder what sumone of the opposite sex is like . . idk, physically ?

but then there's the scenario where one starts catching feelings for the other . .
now me, personally, i wouldn't want to risk a GREAT friendship for a relationship that might not even last. bc there's a pretty good chance that in the course of that relationship or even after that shortlived relationship ends, the way you felt for each other as FRIENDS will die too . . && thinking about sum of the good friendships i've had with sum of my guyfriends . . i doubt i'd want to risk that.
they say that friends make for the best relationships . . && that makes sense, seeing that you need to KNOW a person before getting into a relationship . . then there's the issue of trust, && with a friend, you should already have that. so it'd be perfect.

i could talk about this more . . throwing in personal stuff . . but i'd rather not.
i'm REALLY tired, so i'm probably gonna take a shower && get in the bed after this.
hope yall have a good weekend (:

ithinkihadarevelation;

&& thats my revelation.
idk if you all can see or read that . . so here's what it says;

you cannot please everybody;
as much as i try to, i just can't
&& i'm tired && DONE with trying while all of my efforts go unnoticed.
sumtimes you just have to let go of what does not want to be helped - even if you think it's worth it, sumtimes there's just nothing you can do.
you cannot make sumthing change or act the way you want them to act, so in the end, all ou CAN do is ACCEPT the flaws that have been offered or LET GO.
&& i think that's what i'm doing . . letting go.
it wouldn't be accurate to say that i dont care anymore . . just that i don't care enough to continue trying.

yeahh.
that applies to specific things && people in my life.
i'm tired of trying just for you to just sit there acting like a little bitch when things aren't going the way you want them.
i hate the fact that nobody seems to care that i was the ONLY one there, the ONLY one, when everybody else gave up on POOR LITTLE YOU.
but now, i think im gonna be the only one to walk away . .

but it's whatever.
i'm not even stressing it because, as stated in that little 'revelation', sumtimes you just have to let go of what does not want to be helped - even if you think it's worth it, sumtimes there's just nothing you can do.

freshh;likesundaymornin.(:

SPRING BREAK !

- - has officially started.
(:

yesterday was funn;
1) spent the the first part of my day doing absolutely NOTHIN.
2) then shamia came over; we went outside, saw a few goons that really had no business showin themselves to the public, got honked at by a few old men (can you say disgustingg ?!|, && played sum volleyball (cuz yall kno i gotta get my skills bac by June if i'm tryin to play this fall !|.
3) me && shamia went to see taylor play jae && diana's AAU basketball team. that was hella fun; SOOO many dudes there . . all athletes of course, cuz this was at boo williams. && i kno i almost passed out a few times bc emmm . . ahaha, but enough of that.

today was pretty chill.
did nothin all day except went to my grandma's house to eat the usual Sunday dinner.

OHMAHGAH !
why is this annoyin dude textin me ?!
yall, i think i got a stalker on my hands.
he won't leave me alone ! everybody, including myself, keeps tellin him "SHE DON'T LIKE YOU !" but, apparently, he does not kno the meaning of that.
&& i won't even tell yall how he got my phone number bc that will just piss me off all the more.
&& to think i was having a great day until just now . .
smdh.

anywhoo . . here's sum pics to entertain your minds. (:

poetbychoice - writerat♥.

sooo.
idk if you all know, but i LOVE to write. - - - well, DUH; that's why i blogg, stupidd.
i've been writing since i could read almost.
it's my passion.

i don't just write poetry && stuff.
i think i started out writing in a diary. that eventually flowed over to short stories meant for second graders, and then poetry.
now, i write just about everything; i have a continuous story that i add onto everytime i get a chance on www.the-n.com [it's called The Irony In Love], i still write poetry every now and then, i'm beginning to write short stories, and i write about my feelings [i.e. this blog].

i think that i've become comfortable enough with this site to actually post some of my work soon.
i may, i may not.
we'll see. (:

ps; i'm thinking i should start a separate blog for my story, The Irony In Love ?
hmm, i might.
i'm just not sure if my audience will be as interested in it as those over at the-n are.

summer;whereyouat ?

currently blastin'; Get Me Bodied Remix by Beyonce

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

it's a beautiful day outside; warm weather, sun is shinnin oo-so-bright ! just lovely.

i'm so ready for spring break; but more than that, i'm ready for the summer ! i can't wait for the warm weather EVERYDAY, swimming pools, capris && shorts, this so called 'kickback' Deanna && Ajee are planning, going to Busch Gardens every other weekend, getting a job [because lord knos i wouldn't be able to keep up with school && a job at the same time !], more free time to pick my story back up && write better than ever, perhaps a vacation, && just FREEDOM !
aha. i want this summer to hurry up && come so i can GET OUT of school.

- - speaking of school, i haven't thought much about college - until now, that is. the University of Miami has been reaching out to me for some time && i just recently checked them out. it seems to be a good institution && i've ALWAYS wanted to go to Miami . . . but idk, a college in VA seems more appropriate bc VA does have some pretty good colleges . . but idk. i have some time to decide that, but it's good that i have at least one college in mind.

. . . it's so hot outside that it's burnin up in this house !
lolz, but i'm about to go eat dinner at my grandma's house so this is the endd. might be back later, who knos ?
(:

just go for it ! [more positive thoughts]

*; second post of the day; is this a record for me ? ahaha.

yeahh, so i was just thinking about stuff that i want to happen.
&& since i'm in such a fabulous mood, my thoughts are positive.
i can't just want things to happen. because i've realized that just because you want it doesn't mean you'll get it. you've got to work for it !
so maybe i should go after what i want. that's a big step, y'kno ? to just step off the sidelines && go play the game. that's a new approach that i need to try. because i'm tired of not having what i want because i was too afraid to go get it. so maybe i'll start making an effort to do that.

&& i hope you all do too; don't let a simple fear get in the way of what you want, because in the end you'll be unhappy &&/or unsatisfied. only you can make your dreams come true in the same way that you see them.
(: