put sum positivity in ya life.

sooo lately, i've been pissed off and annoyed with people and the world in general. honestly, i really can't help it . . i'm not the type to sugarcoat many things or hold my tongue. i'll tell you how i feel, straight up && i usually don't feel bad about it.

but instead of ranting && dwelling on the bad, i've decided to try and list some of the good && the things that make me happy.

1] music.
- ahhh. music is thee PERFECT getaway. i can listen to music to escape sound, let my mind wander to whereever the song takes me, or just . . because ! ahhhh. it's just the perfect everything.
i even have my own little jukebox inside my head . . lmfao. ask my friends . . they think im crazy for it tho, but i can't help it.

2] laughing.
- i absolutely LUVV to laugh. if sumbody can make me laugh for good reasons then i kno that we can hang. i think that laughing is a GREAT way to relieve stress. i laugh alot. in fact, i'm the type of person to just start laughing outta the middle of nowhere, usually over sumthing that happened the day before, or maybe even a year ago. either way, a laugh is a laugh, so make me laugh sumtime, okayy ?

3] being out with my friends.
- whenever i'm out with my friends, i feel GOOD. i feel like nothing can go wrong && i kno that the night will be full of laughs [bc i luvv laughing, aha].

4] warm weather && sunny days.
- AHHH ! i cannot WAIT for it to get warmer outside ! cold && wet weather is rather annoying when it occurs ALL THE TIME ! like now, i'm in a GREAT mood because the sun is shining through my window like it hasn't in a very long time. ahhh, i just cannot wait for the summer time !; busch gardens, late nights, sleeping in ! omg, i can just feel it noww ! (:

5] strawberries.
- lolz, random, i knoo. but i do luvv strawberries. especially when they're sprinkled with sugar && chilled in the fridge for an hour or twoo . . YUMM.

6] family gatherings.
- i miss the good old days when my NC fam would always come up to VA for Christmas && Thanksgiving && everything. now it feels like i never get to see them. or how my aunt && cousin would come to Sunday dinner EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY . . they rarely do anymore. i also miss the days when my grandparents threw a backyard cookout EVERY summer . . i used to luvv those. [aww shucks, im getting sad]. but yeahh, they haven't done that in sum years && i wonder if they ever will again . . ANYWHOOO [bac on a happy note (:], family gatherings usually make me happy.

7] shopping.
- i luvv shopping ! i just luvv getting new stuff to wear pretty much. shopping = luvv.

8] my online friends.
- i also see this/them as a getaway method. it's like, with my online friends, it's a whole different world. i think of them just as i think of the friends i have in real life. i genuinely care for sum of them, && then there are the others that are just like everyday people that you pass by on the street. i've known sum of them for as long as like three or four years . . the ones that mean the most to me . . well i kinda lost contact with sum of them bc our virtual getaway closed down . . but the two [actually like three] that really matter the most to me ? we still keep in touch. && sumtimes it's strange because we get mad && argue just as couple of real life friends would do . . but usually we patch things up. in the future, i wouldn't mind actually meeting them; && hey, who knos ? we could all go to the same college or sum crazy ishh like that one day lolz. i hope they realize how much they mean to me, because if we ever just stopped talking && seriously lost contact idk what i'd do because they play a role in my life just like anybody else.
if they ever read this, well, ily guys (:


that's all that i can think of right now.
i'll probably think of more later, && if so, i'll post em up ! (:

don't you just love how;

people contradict themselves.

more specifically;
it annoys the crap outta me when people get heated when they aren't invited places && included in everything you do . .
but when YOU aren't invited to everything they do it's supposed to be all good ?

nawww hoee, fckk THAT !

it's not even about ppl who WANT to be included . . it's those who actually COMPLAIN.

idk, but that annoys me a little.
like, i have to take you out in public ALL THE TIME.
but when it all comes down to it, you feel like you can just chillax on the invitations bc you're just magically important ?
da fck ?

emmhmmm, seems to me that there's sum foulplay in that.


then also [since im in ranting mode] . . .
you got those ppl who just WANT you to say sumthin . . like they'll walk away just KNON that you're gonna tell them not to leave . . or they'll put themselves down just KNON that you're gonna make them feel better about a flaw that's not even there . .

UH UH, THEY JUST KNEW.

but i caught myself on that today . . i said sumthin [jokingly, of course] to my friend and [he/she] just walked away, takin it all serious && shii. && i had THE NERVE to be like "waitt, i was just kidding !"

if i could go back, i would slap myself at that very moment . . .
ughhh, i'm just a person that's FULL of annoyances . . one day i'll blogg about what actually does make me happy . .

wats poppin ma ?

da FCK ?

my answer to the title of this blog ? NOTHING.
honestly, that's what i'm about to start using as a reply to any dude that asks me that.
i mean, get a new line. seriously tho.

don't come at me OVER MYSPACE like that.
if you really wanna start a conversation with me or get to know me then,

FIRST OF ALL;
get ya grammar correct. i mean, a sentence needs to have a subject && a verb, firstly.

SECOND OF ALL;
be ORIGINAL !
i think im about to stop responding to these DUMB AS FCK messages like, "Wats gud" && "wats poppin" && all that other shii.
like really, some of these guys talk to me for the first time saying that, && that's alright SOMETIMES. but if it starts to become a habit, then that's a problem.

THIRD;
if you ARE talkin to me for the first time, then why even say that ?
why not start out with "What's your name?" or something simple like that.
i mean, REALLY THO !

i just had to get that outta my system cuz, WOO CHILLLD, i just got another message like that.

Moral of the story ?;
If you wanna score brownie points, don't ask me dumb oversaid questions.
kayy ? thxx (:

todayy.

was blahh.
mega tired right now && i barely made it through Quarantine . . actually, i did doze off a couple of times, but i was awake for the HILARIOUS parts.
ahaha.
im so serious, the movie is FUNNY ! it's supposed to be scary or whatever, but after seeing it twice, i can say i laughed frequently throughout it both times.

i'm listenin to The-Dream's new CD, Love v. Money, and i like SOME of what i hear. i mean, in general, it's okayy, but nothin i would put on my MP3 player and listen to frequently. so far, my faves are . .
- Rockin That Thang
- Sweat It Out
- My Love
- Put It Down
- Right Side Of My Brain - - still debatin on this one; either i REALLY like it, or i find it REALLY weird. i think i like it . . . the lyrics are . . . idk. intriguing in a sense with the way he sings them.
i haven't gotten that far into it. but the sad truth is that; Dream is not much of a singer. i mean, his music is bombb, lyrics ? on point in a weirdish way but as far as singing capabilities ? he's aiiiighttt, but not a Luther Vandross or even Chris Brown. don't get me wrong cuz i luvv most of what he's put out, but i'm just statin the facts. i can say that his voice is soothing tho. especially on that track Right Side Of My Brain.

uhhmmm. what's sumthin that's bothering me right now ?
a few things . . a few of which, i do NOT care to mention on here.
but let's see; just gonna say sum random ishh . .

ever felt like you were invisible ?
not necessarily invisible, but not quite noticed by the ones who matter at the moment.
let's put it like this; you're a star in the sky.
every star has its own shine, correct ? well, you feel on top of the world [ahaha, technically, being a star, you are on top of the world], && you're just a'twinklin away one night, but then this other star, on the opposite side of the universe or whatev is just a'twinklin away too.
but it's not that that makes you feel like your light doesn't shine as bright; it's the fact that they do it seemingly to shine brighter than you.
you catch my drift ? if not, then too bad; i'm not putting it into literal terms.

well, sum of these stars around my way can go SITDOWNN cuz it's startin to piss me off. you don't need to wave your ass in the air all the time to get ppl to pay attention to you. like seriously ? justLEAVE. && ppl wonder why i like being alone so much . . CUZ PPL ANNOY ME ! that's why whenever i REALLY need to vent, i turn to my blogg or my journal. talking to ppl about the real deal is a last resort bc . . like i said, ppl annoy me [a lot].

moving on . .
i don't think i get as much sleep as i really need.
on normal week days, i go to sleep around 12, maybe later, && i gotta get up at at least 6.
now that is HORRBILE.
sadly, my body has become quite used to it, but it is slowly catching up to me.
i felt like i haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks, but yet i keep going.
one day, i'm just going to fall out, i think.
i could make it to bed earlier but it feels as tho i have just lost ALL self discipline; i wait until like 8 or 9 to start my HW, which usually takes hours, because I HAVE NO SELF DISCIPLINE. then, when i have no homework or finish early, i stay up, usually on the PC doing whatever, so i still only get the minimum amount of hours i could get for sleep.
&& these GODDERN headaches ! whyy ? whyy do i always get a headache ? in fact, i have one now !

ahhh, i'm hungry but it's too late to eat forreal.
plus i think im gonna go to sleep before i lose my sanity.

thxx for reading.
(:

don't you hate it when

people rush you off the phone ?
like, wtf ?
yeah, i kno. why the heck is she bloggin about this ? well, it was just an annoyance of mine at the time of writing.

*; no need to be rude with it. if you gotta go, you gotta go, but don't catch an attitude with me bc i'll tell you about yerself.

*; if i'm talking to you about sumthin important [ESPECIALLY, if i'm talkin to you about sumthin important], DON'T RUSH ME OFF THE FCKIN PHONE. then i hate it when they be like "blahblahblahblahblah, but i'm on the phone with [insert name here] so i'll talk to you later"
it's like, "BITCH, I DON'T NEED TO KNO WHO'S ON YOUR OTHER LINE ! OBVIOUSLY, THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT, SO [said person] CUH LEAVE."

- when ppl tell me who's on there other line, i usually figure that they want me to kno for a reason, or to make themselves seems important, y'kno ?
like say you call your ex up . . you could just wanna talk, maybe patch things up, or see if there's any room for friendship there . . and he's like "oh hey, i can't talk right now, Nesha's on my other line," KNO'n good && well that Nesha was the jump off that broke yall up.

this brings me to my next topic . .

[don't u hate it when . . ]
people purposely throw stuff in your face knowing it's gonna affect you in a negative way ?
to me, that's one of the lowest things you can do.
sadly, i have alot of friends that enjoy doing that. deliberately ? most likely, but all i kno is that they've been doing it for as long as i can remember, but honestly, i think it's because they are insecure && unsatisfied with themselves.
i can't really think any good examples . . but it's really evident when they are doing it && when their enthusiasm is genuine.
likeee, they have that i told you so attitude or they're just that much of a bxtch . . .


sumthin else that annoys me to the extreme is when ppl put themselves down to get compliments . .
like wtf ?
please show at least A LITTLE self respect !
if you don't respect yourself && what you have to offer then who will ?
i sure as heck won't. i mean, there are the ppl who TRULY believe that they are "fat" or "ugly" or just plain "unloved", && i would be glad to tell you that you aren't.
but then there are the others that do this periodically, just to get attention.

"oh, i'm never wanted" or "i'm too fat for anybody to ever see anything in me" - - i'm just gonna be like, "you're right. you'll never amount to anything because you're such an ASS to YOURSELF !"
i'm just like, over being the nice person in everything.
well, i've never been called the nicest person in any group, but im done with trying to be there for the people who don't deserve it. in a way, this has nothing to do with the above statements, but in a way, it does.
. . . don't ask.


Moral of the story ?;

only jackasses rush ppl off the phone, brag about stuff to make their 'friends' or even acquaintances feel bad, && make themselves into a menial being.

say it aint true . .

damn damn damn.
chris, WHY ?

WHAT|THE|FCK ?!

ooo my jizza oo my jizza ooo my jizza !

just STOP !

i'm sooo SICK of people taking sides in stuff that they don't even know about !
in case you haven't already figured it out, i'm referring to the Chris Brown - Rihanna sitch.

sumbody tell me WHY people like to speak on stuff they don't know about ?
i mean, first of all;
there are SOO many freakin rumors goin around ! now, obviously, SUMBODY had to START the rumor in order for 24973953105031854 other people to have heard about it. this is truly SAD.
these are the things that i have heard of so far;

• chris brown went psycho because he found out rihanna gave him herpes - - WRONG ! ; if that happened to be true [which it MOST LIKELY isn't], it's a WRAP for him in every way possible.
  
• rihanna threw chris brown's keys outta the car and he snapped - - POSSIBLY true; i believe this to be true, but if so, there is MUCH more to the story.
• rihanna went psycho on chris brown after reading a text message on his phone OR after he told her it was over and he proceeded to pick up another girl while rihanna was still in the car and that's when she snapped - - oooooo YES ! i always thought rihanna was one of them PSYCHO bxtches . . i think that any variation of this story could be true. afterall, most of the stories i have heard had sum sorta variation of this && they all make sense. but if chris really did pick up sum girl while he was with her then just . . WOW. childish.
• rihanna swung the first punch - - hahaha. need a say more ? this right here ? is SOOO believable.
  
• they got into a car accident, therefore all of rihanna's bruises aren't from chris, himmself. OR chris was trying to pull rihanna out of the car but she wouldn't leave && got her injuries from hitting the dashboard, etc. - - i truly believe this one right here. that makes alot of sense because chris brown really does NOT seem like the type of dude to go amazin hulk on ANYBODY, even with good reason. so this makes alotta sense. i mean, could you really believe that rihanna, being as tall as she is, would let a dude that is almost equivalent in size beat her without taking defense ? this brings me to the last rumor i will name . .
  
• it was one on one ; they were BOTH hitting EACH OTHER - - this is probably the most accurate rumor of them all. like i just said, rihanna's tall [&& crazy] ass is not just gonna let chris brown swing at her without defending herself. really ? WHY would she not fight bac ? so if what i'm saying makes sense && is true, then WHY is chris getting all of the NEGATIVE media attention ? && why are double standards playing such a huge, but backseated, role in this ?
  

rihanna is getting the easy way out because of a DOUBLE STANDARD ?!

okay, see this ? PISSES ME OFF !
i have a question; why is it okay for a woman to hit a man but NEVER okay for a man to hit a woman ?
i understand that it is out of respect that a man never hits a woman, but there are times that you need to defend yourself.

guys, if a girl was comin at you wrong && then started HITTING you. && i don't mean hitting like playfully or weakly, but VIOLENTLY, would you NOT defend yourself ? COME ON NOW. you can't tell me that you wouldn't. && if you wouldn't it's probably BECAUSE of that stupid double standard.
i think that a man has every right to defend hisself if ANYBODY violently attacks him.

ladies, i kno you're probably like NO, a man should never hit a woman, but you aren't seeing all sides of the situation.
women of our country fought for the equal rights of WOMEN && MEN. so if this equality applies to EVERYTHING, then why are we putting ourselves on a pedestal ? why should it be okay for WOMEN to do something that men cannot do [&& vice versa] ? exactly, it SHOULDN'T be okay.

so really; WHY is rihanna getting all of the good media attention ? they will display all of these rumors, but not ONCE will they demean her but find EVERY reason to demean chris ? BEEE-ESSS !
just because chris is a MALE he gets negative attention thrown at him because . . OMG GET READDYYY FOR IT ! . . he HIT A WOMAN ! okay ? if it had been a FEMALE beating a MALE would it have been any different ? i think it would have . . this has EVERYTHING to do with the double standard of females being higher than a male physically.

STOP TAKIN SIDES !

okay, just because you "LOVE" chris brown means NOTHING AT ALL ! i luvv him too . . but that doesn't mean you should automatically take his side.
i've seen comments on blogs, websites, && even CHRIS BROWN && RIHANNA'S MYSPACES! saying "chris, you don't need that BITCH bringin you down !" or "WE KNO YOU DIDNT DO IT CHRIS !" or "RIHANNA YOU GOT SOME NERVE TO MAKE CHRIS SEEM LIKE A WOMANBEATER".
like WTF ? CHILL OUT ! you can't go bashin one or the other just because you "LOVE" them ! just like you can't take sides based on a double standard or what you 'heard'.

now see, i'm kinda siding with chris. && don't go giving me the hypocrisy speech because i have my reasons.

i could see a long time ago that sumthin wasn't all peaches && cream with rihanna . . && now i believe that even more. i think she has a side that only the people in her life have seen. && plus, why in the world would CB go off like that ? really ? there HAS to be more to the story. i just sense that there's sum error in rihanna's story. but i can't say anything right now because NOTHING has been clarified.

&& also . . chris brown supposedly issued a statement on his facebook saying that it was okay bc we will all soon see rihanna's dark side. && i believe i already have.