tumblr.

http://-jaydee.tumblr.com/

new shit. hit my tumblr up from now on. (:

i'mjustsayin.

now i KNOW,
that i'm not the only one that has a few friends that only seem to trend what YOU take interest in.
it really bugs me, yet i keep my mouth closed because it's not even worth it.
"must you watch what i watch, wear what i wear, buy the shit I PROCLAIM that i am going to buy. shit's really annoying. it'd be a lot easier to just find your own ish, you know ?"

i'mJUSTsayin ! . . .

what else . . .
oh ! i know ! . . .

i have some FAKE ASS FRIENDS too, and them some who just have some really bad traits.
i mean, who wants to be around somebody that:

• only thinks about themselves 24/7 365/52
• can't keep their damn mouth closed
• ALWAYS has some ignorant shit to say about the most minimal thing in the damn world
• puts you down sublimally just to make their sorry selves feel good about themselves
• never appreciates a single thing you do for them

i could go on. but i don't feel like it. but i mean, some of these people i have dropped, because really ? if you're gonna treat me like shit, then i will do you the same, and drop your ass down the toilet, just as shit should be put. but others, well you need to get yourselves together. you may walk around thinking you're queen/king bitch right now, but then you will slowly start to realize that nobody wants to be around somebody longterm who is constantly pushing off egotistical, negative vibes.

i mean,

i'mJUSTsayin ! . . .

momentofhonesty - - friends.

to be quite honest, i don't trust or like most of the people that i hang out with.
they are either stuck up, sometimey, bitches, whores, or all of the above.
NO, i do not want to hear about your fucking problems when you never care about mine.
NO, it's not okay that you take advantage of whatever is in front of you.
NO, acting like you "da shit" doesn't make you, indeed, thee shit. it makes you look stupid.
and NO, you can't pick who you want to talk to at the time based on who is on the room.

the people that i feel closest to are either miles away, or the ones that i feel like i have lost some part of . . . certain parts that i find myself wanting back.

i hate that it's come to this, but i just have to be honest:

i'm not happy with the people that surround me.
to myself is where i like to be, with my words, my thoughts . . .

formspring.me

what's on your mind ? http://formspring.me/jaydur

fear.

i've got so much fear in my heart
because i'm scared of rejection.

us together is something that i want more than anything . . .
but i fear:

that it will crash and burn,
and i will slowly learn,
that things like this never work.


i have fear in my heart
because i'm afraid of what i see.

the glare of the screen contrasts with that of my skin;
the texture of my hands to the pad of your ipod
the look of my face to the limit of my avatar.
so, i have fear:

of the way we will greet
when we finally meet
and notice the differences.


i have fear in my heart
because this love is too great for me to handle.

my chest pains from the stress
of this love-filled mess,
and it makes me fear:

the way i will react to you then,
and if i will defend
your actions.

crying oceans of saltwater . . .
i show my fear -
but fear is blind:

to the glare of your screen,
and the pad of your ipod,
and what you are limited to of my avatar.

only when our faces near
will my fear
be both acknowledged,
and released.

distance.

If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.


If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemens land.


If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.


But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting.

If you were coming in the fall by Emily Dickinson

this hits a nerve in my weakness, because it makes me think of you . . .

therealword: DC.

So this season !
It may not be the most interesting that i've seen of the real world, but hopefully it has something good enough in it to talk about with friends the next day.

So the second episode comes on tonight, but the first ?
umm . . . let's just say i was like whoah.

TY.
why why WHY do you insist on feeding your opinions to others, in a way so nasty that it causes conflict on the FIRST episode ?! mann, you need to chill. but something that i think of when i think of ty is the fact that he looks like . . . identical to one of my best friends. lmfao.

the other people weren't enough for me to feel the need to write about.
catch it on MTV and drop a comment or something.